Un-clenching Your Teeth So That You Can Speak

Do you ever wake up after a full night’s sleep with the feeling you were clenching your teeth the whole night?  A slight headache, the feeling that you could sleep another hour or 6, feeling that you are dragging around 30 lbs of extra stress that doesn’t even belong to you?  Am I right?! We have all been there. A few month ago, I caught myself clenching in the middle of a yoga sesh when the instructor reminded the class, but I know she was talking directly to me, to loosen your jaw and unfurrow your brow, you know while you did a humble warrior bind.  She said, “Let it go”, inside my mind that was so full of so many other things at the time, I kind of laughed until I realize she was talking directly to me.  I was so inside my thoughts of what will happen, how it will happen, can I get my mojo back, do they like me, am I smart, why it wasn’t my choice, how I got to that place that. I did not even realize I had flowed through half the class without a focus to clear those thoughts, don’t even think I was breathing because I immediately took child’s pose and started to cry. I was just going through the motions, but I was clenching my teeth in rage screaming though my closed mouth tight jaw thinking someone would hear me.

I had lived my life that way, teeth clenched thoughts swirling, for exactly 8 months and 1 day.  I know you are thinking, “really, exactly?” … Yes, really it started June 19^th, 2018 and my last day was February 20^th. Now, I want to be clear, I was not forced to make the choices I made. I could have left at that moment and any moment, of many, following that when my gut wrenched to prove to me something was not right.  They are choices that I thought I was making for the good of someone/something else.  I have always served and chosen the happiness and success of others over mine, that is my nature.  Granted, I am a selfish bitch and I own it, I want to be the best and I want to glory. If it isn’t about me then it isn’t fun or exciting, but most of the time those thoughts reside in my own my own mind. I live life without fear but for those 8 months and 1 day I was fearful I would disappoint, fail, look bad, make others look bad and ruin a chance to grow. I was afraid EVERY DAY.  All those fears that sprouted in June of ’18 out of insecurities and ambition grew to a tooth clenching monster of a vine that choked every aspect of my voice.  I didn’t even want to karaoke, fearful the mic would go dead!

I realized after, on the day that things ended, that I was talking but no one was listening much like the last 8 months.  I was choking my own voice, in the form of an energy cord. My friend and Reiki Healer, Leigh, helped me release the vine on the 8^th month and 5^th day of my nightmare or as I refer to it as the 1^st day of my voice.  She had discovered an energy chord that was not serving me, pause here to absorb all the Reiki wisdom and if you want to judge I will let you take a moment. Now that you have speculated, I will tell to live your life girl and book an appointment immediately.  You have unharnessed potential that might just be cleared with a light touch and a sharp spiritual sword. After seeing bubbles of light all the colors except blue – I couldn’t get blue – and near the end of our session I thought “are her hands on my feet or my head” “why can I only see this sword and ash or like a burnt wall” and then all the sudden I felt her hands along my feet and goosebumps covered my body.  At that moment I no longer saw a sword or the burnt but I saw liquid gold and blue like the sun burning in the sky over the ocean, and I started to ugly cry, eyes closed I could barely contain myself until Leigh gave me her hand, sans tissue, and said “Girl, I just released some nasty stuff, let it go”. Let it go…I heard those words months ago from a yoga instructor who I can’t remember – here they were once again reminding me to let it go. I released the chord, the 30lbs, the tightness in my throat and my teeth.

So, in this longer than usual post I say 3 things:

1. Never stay if you are serving others more than your own needs – no matter what the situation – if you turn into a different person- leave, walk, run – live YOUR life girl!
2. Get yourself to a healer (my friend Leigh is amazing!). Let your fears go and be open to healing so you can…live your life girl!
3. When you go sleep tonight, I want you to say 3 things that are just for you (example: I am worthy of love, I am heard, I am living my life girl)

“Let it hurt, let it bleed, let it heal, let it go.” – Nikita Gill