Transition has been a safe place for me for most of my life. I thrive on change, chaos, and crisis by nature. I am a pro at how to get through a tough time, a sad day even a big career or physical move. With each transition I have gotten stronger and learned more about who I am and where I want my life to be. Every hurdle I cross I get more in tune with my emotions and what is appropriate. When I was younger it took weeks to get over, AKA learn from, a transitional event. This included crying, and fits of anger, and analyzing every aspect of the situation until I felt comfortable moving on. Now I take a day or the weekend but no longer than 48 hours to sit in it and accept the emotions I feel when I experience transition. I even tell my friends to live in it, yell with excitement, wallow in sadness or regret, scream out in confusion for a week or a couple days and then get up and move on. Lately I have been very emotionally confused. At first, I thought maybe I was coming upon my moon cycle but then that passed. Then I thought maybe it was because I missed a few vitamins but then that passed. I didn’t know how to get up and move on because I couldn’t define the root of this emotional block. I wasn’t going through transition myself so why I was so blocked. I was blocked creatively and as you probably can guess, I couldn’t write, hence my absence.
Transition is happening all around me. My folks are moving 800 miles away. Not only are they packing up years of memories, but they will be starting a new chapter. My best friend is on the precipice of a big professional transition, which is a huge move for her especially during the current pandemic. Even the condo in my back yard is in transition and is getting a face lift. While transition is all around me none of it is mine. Like a loyal daughter, friend, and neighbor I have been offering my support, physical help and expert advice to get everyone through their big changes. Yes, I even sit out my deck and say “lookin good” to my neighbors’ condo. So, when I finally dug deep, I realized why I was so emotionally blocked. Now that they are all on the up of their transition, where does that leave me? I guess I feel lost in finding the right place for me in so many good things. I’ve helped my parents pack up, now what? I helped build confidence in my friend, now what? And the siding well did it really need my emotional support, probably not.
When we see others changing around us, we naturally look within ourselves and want or rather feel like we must change with them. I am not in any way saying I don’t need to change things, but I am happy with my life. I already went through my big transition this year and I am happily content with where I am. I just wish someone would tell me how to feel about the transition around me. My parents are moving – I am happy for them and I can’t wait for them to start living their life girl, but I am also sad for my nephew who is sad to see my parents go and that makes me feel like I should be sad too – but I’m not I am so excited for them because I see their new life even if they can’t. I am also thrilled for my bestie as she begins a new adventure, but I’m nervous for her as she starts a new challenge – I know she is going to kill it and I don’t want her taking my nervousness as doubt. I think when we have conflicting emotions tied to those close to us, we want to show them all the good empowering emotions, because how do we tell them our own fears about transition. How do I tell the siding that it looks really nice but that piece near the top is a little crooked? I have been balancing these emotions for a couple weeks now and I have finally been able to express them. As in, get them out on paper and I can feel the tension drop from my shoulders.
As we are all in a state of transition remember to embrace the emotion, don’t let it linger but account for it and then get moving on to the next adventure. I am sure your next transition is right around the corner as is mine. I am grateful for supportive parents and a best friend who lets me run on about the next big thing in my life, I am honored to be a support for them as they start their new chapters. I am also glad I have a nice building to gaze upon from my deck – Lookin Good building! So, as you gaze upon other’s transition let them know to live your life girl – and keep lookin good!