Besties

There is something to be said about surrounding yourself with people who are genuine and truly authentic. I lived through my 20’s & 30’s with a gaggle of girlfriends, some that remain and some who can no longer be called friends. I pride myself in being inclusive because I immediately see the good in those that cross my path and try my hardest to present an authentic version of who I am when I cross the paths of others.  I feel it necessary to admit that I am not an easy person to be friends with. Ha ha my close friends are laughing right now and probably my enemies too. What I mean is that my good is the best you’ll ever get but it comes at a price with some of the bad, which can be hard to handle. Most days I don’t know quite how to handle the bad myself. And I OWN EVERY BIT OF THAT. I think that’s what makes it hard and emotional for me when I’m not invited to an event, or not part of a larger group text. I know from years of counselling that these feelings of insecurity lay deep in my past when I was moved from school to school always being the “new girl”.  There was a new shiny-ness to me and when that wore off, I was still a shy insecure girl who just wanted to give love to a friend. Recently, I had the opportunity to moderate several sessions about higher purpose for the company I work for.  Authenticity was a major point that stuck with me after each of the 9 sessions. As I lay in bed last week thinking about the weekend and ever-growing list of “to dos” and the social invites I hadn’t received, I thought about the authentic people in my life.  I took stock of those who have supported me through a difficult time and continue to be there through the good times. Re-evaluating relationships is hard to do because love will always be there, you were friends for some reason, and it is heartbreaking when those who posed as a friend have disconnected your relationship.  When you don’t know why a relationship has stalled or why your shiny-ness has worn off, it leaves you shy and sad. No one tells you that you’re just not fun anymore or I just forgot about you. I mean who could forget about JMFP?  It happens, all the time. It makes me feel sad and hurt. It takes me back to high school and I just can’t figure out why.  I live my life girl with openness and self-awareness, but that doesn’t mean my besties do the same.

I began this post talking about authentic people. Do you know someone who is authentic? Some one that does what the say, can back up the shit they lay down, will call your bluff, would strip down and skinny dip if you dared them? Would show up even when they had a full plate just to sit at your home after surgery? Or who would drop everything to help you move a 100lb mattress up a flight of stairs? Even better, would tell you the truth about why your friendship has faded, that you overreacted at a comment or a situation? I have those people in my life and I am grateful for them every day, even if I don’t talk to them for weeks, I know in my heart they want the best for me. They are genuine in every conversation or social media comment or like. A lesson I learned a few years ago was to be grateful for what you have, I am so grateful for those people who check in every now and then just because that want to know. It doesn’t make the unauthentic people hurt less but it sure does warm your heart when your thought of outside major holidays.  It reminds me that while I live my life girl to be authentic to everyone I meet, those people who stand for me feel my authenticity.  

After our higher purpose training, I wrote my personal statement of higher purpose and during my mind map I started with – “I refuse to be fake in any part of my life.” Which is a good start and truly how I strive to live my life girl, but I need something more. I know that my higher purpose is to help those tell their stories when they don’t feel like they have a voice. I see girls, women, ladies everyday begging for their voice to be heard. I’ve shared some of my hard stuff, my mean girl resentments, my hunger to fit in and now you understand when I say live your life girl it means I am not afraid to say what I need to say to help you not feel alone like some many of us do. Letting down my guard and sharing that sometimes we don’t get invited to the cool kid’s party and there is nothing you can do about it. We must learn from it and be strong within our own selves. Make your own fun, even though you are sad inside there are at least 2 people you can call that when you invite them it will make their day and in turn it just might make yours.  Come as you are and even if you are in your jammies live your life girl in those jammies because you are not alone; you will always be invited and there is always room in my bestie squad for you. The next time you are lost in your feelings ask yourself “What is your higher purpose?” “What is the story that you are afraid to tell?” “Who are 2 authentic people in your life?” Are you living your life girl, authentically?

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