A Rainy Day

The sound of a late summer shower in the morning gets me excited in a way that only the excitement of a new kiss does. It’s that time of year that if you close your eyes and take a deep breath you might just smell Fall creeping in.  It takes me immediately to those brisk days when the sun hits your face and the smell of rustling colored leaves fill the air. Fall is when all your senses come alive, hints of clove and cinnamon create a feeling of a new season approaching. Fall is when the September Vogue greets you in the mailbox and Fall is when all your favorite jeans and sweaters get to re-emerge from their long summers nap. It’s hats and boots and when cute scarves get to play. It’s walks along a path when the leaves change and its cheering on a football game with warming spirit in hand. Just like Spring, Fall carries a sense of renewal.

Spring used to be my favorite season with its many messages of renewal. I used to think of a first kiss I shared in the Spring when the new birds were singing, and the morning sun met the dew. New flowers pushing through the soil and new buds on trees take me back to that kiss and I would remember it anytime I met someone new. I measured every kiss to this kiss, if it didn’t make me feel like that morning, I knew the love affair wouldn’t last. For many years I held on to that feeling and everything that surrounded me that morning. I have shared many kisses, some breathtaking and some just a fleeting memory. Somewhere between that Spring morning and this morning I realized I don’t compare his kiss anymore.

As I listen to the rain creating movement on my wind chime and the sound of it hitting the green leaves, I can only think of a new kiss I recently shared. Now that I am thinking of past kisses, I realize that I have shared some amazing first kisses in the Fall. There have been a few romances where Summer still struggles to hold onto me while Fall pulls me in to my next love affair. Today I felt inclined to change my mind about my favorite seasons because I am no longer holding on to his kiss. I have always loved Fall for so many reasons, but a new memory of a first kiss has convinced me.  I know my romanticism might be alarming to some of you that have followed my abrupt live your life girl attitude, but deep down I am all mush and I want to live my life girl fully aware that falling into a new love affair may hurt just as much as my Spring fling. 

Being open to love is especially important right now with the world literally at war. Pandemics, forest fires, earthquakes, hurricanes, governments over-thrown while human rights tragedies lay in the balance. The world continues its never ending cycle of war. War with governments, war on climate, and war on how we treat each other. Will we ever learn from our past?  Learning from conflicts that come back around over and over are difficult to overcome. Understanding the lessons to be learned from a love that has held you back for way too long can be consuming. Sometimes, I doubt that I have fully learned those lessons. I have built my walls high and strong to prevent my heart from feeling at war with itself. For many years a love broke my heart over and over again, so much that I craved the sorrow, and then this morning I woke up feeling that anything is possible as the rain washed away my pain.

I can feel a shift in my heart with a new season only weeks away. I want to embrace the love given to me. I want to appreciate a simple gesture, fully. I want a Fall romance where my heart is set on fire with passion and joy.  I want to appreciate every little thing that a new Fall season brings to me. I want to live my life girl each day with gratitude of the kisses I have shared and the friendships I have made. I want to feel giddy with excitement of seeing my new crush and I want to giggle with my girlfriends over the little secrets we share.  No matter how long our Fall romance last, I know it was meant to remind me who I am. Live your life girl like the fire burning in the harvest moon and never compare the love given to you with one that you force to be yours.