Ghosts

It’s late September and Fall is finally here. With Fall come fallen leaves, warm cuddles, rainy days and for me, ghosts. You know I love Fall but every year friendly and not so friendly ghosts start appearing. Is the universe desperately trying to get my attention?  I hear you, universe, but sometimes I need a few more details on why you keep putting these ghosts in front of me. I know not all of my ghosts have a lesson attached and yes maybe I am inspired to write this post because I might be watching some older tv shows centered around ghosts – but come on – live your FALL life girl. If I want to watch Ghost Whisperer all night, I will.

For clarification ghosts in this story are people that float back into your life unexpectedly and float right back out just as they came in. They leave you with this aura of wonder and doubt and joy. My ghosts come in all different forms; spooky, funny, lustful, and sweet. I know there is a lesson for each of them because I feel it deep in my heart and maybe that is why they keep showing up. Sometimes I stay awake at night thinking why they are ghosts to begin with. What more could have been said, did I say the wrong thing, did I not reach out enough to keep us connected? I also wonder what keeps us bonded and why others that seemed so meaningful in your life are not ghosts and just stop showing up.

He is sweet and nice, and we laugh at the same things as friends do. We’ve attempted to date a few times and somehow it just doesn’t stick. Then Fall hits and there he is showing up just like I suspected. With sweet kisses on the cheek and lingering over me waiting for me to fall so he can catch me. I feel bad because I’m not going to fall, and he won’t ever have the chance to catch me even if I did. There is a reason he keeps showing up and I keep inviting him into my life. lylg tip: vampires can’t come into your home unless they are invited.  There is nothing wrong with him in fact he is great on paper. He is good looking and responsible and fun, but the chemistry is just not there. And you know how much I love chemistry. You know the kind, want to rip your clothes off and just consume all of that other person in any way you can? Unfortunately, this ghost remains just a friendly ghost that I know will show back every Fall hoping I will.  

Now on the other side of spectrum is lusty ghost, who at the slightest thought of him brings him right back into my life, if I even think of a time we shared or smell something that reminds of him, there he is in my texts, in fact as I am finishing this post there he is like I sent a bat signal. I am careful not to utter his name 3 times in row in the event he shows up at my door. Candyman he is not. Sometimes I let me ego take over and smile that guilty smile because he does still think of me, even if it’s in that “don’t want my Dad to know I let him do those things to me” kind of way.  BTW my Dad knows I am who I am and would just say live your life girl and I love that acceptance. Sometimes I am angry at lusty ghost and wish he would disappear. He is in the category of what more do you want from me? Or How else can he hurt me, what more do I need to learn and why can’t he let me go? We are bonded and I know he will always be a part of my life because of everything I learned being a part of his.

Spooky or funny ghosts are those ghosts who might be co-workers or past friendships that pop up when you least expect it. A compliment on an IG post warms my heart. When catching up I get a little sad because it brings up some difficult times associated with our friendship that never had a chance to blossom. I quickly send these ghosts away and note the universal lesson to always remember what you went through and how it made you stronger. There is that funny ghost that has you bent over laughing so hard and you just want to hang out with them all the time but you can never get your schedules together and then it’s been like a year, but you’re bonded and you pick right back up where you left off, those ghosts are bittersweet because you wish they were not ghosts at all.  

Even the friendliest ghosts will continue to come in and out of your life. We will all be ghosts to others eventually. Remember that text after happy hour that you sent because you just wondered what the heck they might be up to? Ever think of someone so much you willed them to back into your life for one brief sweet moment? Savor all those moments because we form a bond with others that sometimes will never be broken no matter how hard we climbed out of the mess they made. Live your life girl and say that name 3 times in mirror if you really want them back in your life. Live your life girl and just fall already so he can catch you and live your life girl and say thank you when a dear friend says you look pretty – because you are pretty!